Clearing

Sometimes, I just need to write. Somehow just putting it all out there clears my head. I need that today. Last night B took me out to dinner and a movie for our newly instigated official date night and he asked where my mind was. 'Where is my mind?' I have been wondering all last night and all this morning as I waited in blindness at the eye doctor. It feels like it's all over the place and concentrated on one thing all at the same time.
To begin with, work. I recently applied for a promotion and didn't get it. I am completely content with the knowledge that the Lord has put where I am and He will put me where I need to be, but I still worry that politics will get the best of me and I am sitting in a dead end.
Friends: One of my very best friends recently broke up with her boyfriend and is off on a trip to California that I would give anything to be on. She is my trip buddy and I have missed her so much lately. Between dating someone and a crazy life, I haven't seen her much. I miss laughing with her and talking about our goals and who we want to become. I also worry about my other very best friends all over that I haven't seen or heard from and I miss just being a girl with them.
B: We are approaching 6 months and I am so nervous because when my life gets crazy and hectic, the boy in my life usually leaves. My mind is on the fact that I care about someone so much and they might just turn and walk away. My past has caused me this huge nervous twitch that has caused me a few late night panics. My mind is on keeping him happy.
Family: This is a huge one right now becuase my little sister is getting married in two weeks exactly. And as I write this, I realize that this is really where my mind is. My baby sister that I have been a second mother to my whole life is growing up. I used to sing to her as a baby and wake up to her staring at me through her crib bars. We used to play dress ups and Speed the card game until late hours of the night. The sister that I have laughed for hours with and gone on numerous vacations with is growing up. And what I think bothers me the most is that somewhere between talking about wedding invitations and wedding hair, we haven't really really talked about anything normal for months. I realize that what I have been missing most is her. But then I think about how proud I am of her. She has become a beautiful, vivacious, educated, mature woman. Wow. I could not even be happier for her. She has found a boy who is kind and thoughtful and laughs at her and absolutely admires her. I couldn't have hand picked him myself. I could not turn her over to anyone more wonderful.
So there. In a very disjointed way, there is where my mind is. And what is so amazing about it all is that all of that focuses for me because of one thing, getting on my knees. What an amazing blessing it is that the puzzle will always fit back together because of that.